Title: National Adventure Sports Show

Sub Title: Munson says "Shut it you cunt!"

This was one of those classic times that you look back on and think "fuck that was funny". I'd never been to NASS before but I'd heard some comedy tales, this year I'd acquired a free pass, so I passed up Bug Jam and headed on down to Somerset. My companions for this trip were Chesson aka "The Comeback Kid", Parrothead and list minute addition Ross aka "Little Donut" (whose mum was understandably concerned about her son getting a lift with a bunch of retards like us). By the time we got there, after getting reasonably lost due to having no map or directions, there was already a large crew of drunk skaters assembled. We set up our white trash camp and got in the mix, faces present included Munson, Dave Allen, Si Skipp, Lee Blackwell, Snowy, Joe Crack, Wingy, Zorlac, T, Cherry Tightslax, and half of Birmingham.

The evening was quite subdued and was spent wandering round the site heckling various 'extreme' dudes there were a variety of fools sporting various ridiculous attire - bandannas, headscarfs, bad haircuts etc etc. Munson was on top form and I expect many of his 'victims' seriously wished they were dead. Somewhere in the evening Blackwell had tried to smash a bottle over his head, he hadn't managed so Wingy stepped up to help, he hit him as hard as he could, the bottle didn't break but Lees head did and off he went in an ambulance. . For a so called 'extreme' event it seemed a bit gay that the music finished at about 2am, then again I expect all the roller bladers had to be in bed long before that. When we got back to white trash HQ Dave took the lead and started hurling abuse at the roller bladers camped on the other side of the site, their retorts were weak to say the least. This went on for a while until one of them came over to make the peace, I don't think he even got through one sentence before a very drunk Woodley got up and smacked him one! I doubt very much it hurt him though as Woodley could barely stand up, we just sat there and cracked up. The blader was still trying to make peace so Woodley hit him a few more times and eventually fell over himself. Dave was visibly quite pleased that his hard work had paid off, when the rest of the bladers came over to sort it out, Dave went out of his way to annoy the lot of them, a classic soundbyte was "I prefer to Townies to rollerbladers". Woodley was up for fighting anyone and was soon rather stupidly baiting T who luckily for Woodley laughed it off. It was good family entertainment, but like all good things it had to come to an end and I was soon curled up in the back of the van. Apparently those who stayed up all night witnessed a girl on girl fight and some bloke getting dragged out his tent and beaten by about ten other blokes. All good family fun I guess.

Morning came and went and I think I crawled out the van about midday, although Ross was up at nine skating. I was pleased to see that the rest of the crew looked/felt as shitty as me. It was an added bonus at this event that there were nice clean toilet/shower facilities so I took full advantage and cleaned myself right up before meandering my way down to the streetcourse, stopping for a nourishing breakfast of strong coffee with Blackwell and Zorlac. We got there just as the qualifying comp was about to start on the very transition based course. I'd heard various reports about the course, ramp dogs liked it, real street skaters hated it, this always happens when the course has to be shared with the BMXers, things are always on a large scale with a shortage of blocks, rails etc favoured by actual street skaters. People I spotted killing it were Joe Habgood, Ross and new arrival Andy Scott. It was only a qualifier heat to get in the final Sunday so most people just did enough to get through, Andy was noticeably taking it casual. Ross is a bit of newcomer so he went absolutely crackers including a big f/s air over the hip and a huge melon transfer, he was stoked because he ended up qualifying in first place, not bad for a 14 year old. He didn't stop smiling for the rest of the weekend.

There was a brief vert session afterwards but the ramp was an absolute piece of shit (no vert, bad surface, gaps in it, screws coming out), it was a shame because watching Andy and Dave skate is always a pleasure. I decided to broaden my horizons and went off to watch the BMX racing which was really good, this was where I spotted the Extreme Gaylord pictured below. I met up with some of the others later and we watched some more BMX racing.

Next up was the main event: BOOZE

Back at white trash HQ there was a barbecue and warm up booze was consumed. Once everyone was suitably 'warmed up' we headed into 'town'. We found a suitable heckling position, on a bridge where everyone had to walk past, and settled down. Younger members of the crew ie Blackwell, Slim Shady (real name not known, but looked like Eminem) and Potter (real name not known, but looked like Harry Potter) started accosting girls, first stickering them and then trying to stuff their tongues down their throats. First strike went to Blackwell, but I think Potter ended up being the most prolific. The older and wiser sat on the sidelines happy to be entertained by these young fools, although the heckling from me, Dave and Munson was quite severe, I almost felt sorry for some of their victims. This went on for ages, some older 'pro-hoes' turned up and took a seat with us, I hope they weren't expecting us to be charming. Whilst boasting to them about my sexual prowess one of them said "Next you'll be telling me you've got a knob like a horse", I came back with "no but it smells like a stable, does that count?" they left soon after that. Next up someone hatched a plan to invade an inflatable slide from the back, this proved too difficult so everyone just barged on the front without paying. Top slider was Potter who performed a one and a half flip onto his face resulting in some nasty friction burns on the forehead, Blackwell also impressed with a headfirst handrail slide all the way down (although on one attempt he went right over the top and fell down the stairs). As that game got tired we made for the dodgems and piled on, my co pilot was Wingy. During the course of the ride I stole Snowys hat, gobbed on Kev and Skipp and tried to invade some other kids car who was none too happy. We were just starting to get bored when we ran into Joycey and the Boyos who were out filming there new MTV show. Joycey was busy getting kicked by some martial arts dude, Dave didn't seem to think he was getting kicked hard enough and run in and give him a good hard boot in the stomach. The martial art guy then wanted to fight someone else, he liked the look of BMXer Chris Mahoney and started flexing at him, Mahoney replied "Look I'm not at all scared of you, if you touch me I'll fucking stab you", and that was that game over. Somewhere in all of this a security guard if we had some weed as she fancied a smoke, we had none, but pointed her in the direction of the RLK crew, but told her it would be a lot more amusing if she accused them of drug dealing and threatened to escort them off the premises. She performed this mission with great stealth and watching her victims looks of paranoia was a beautiful thing. After that the evening pittered out a bit and I can't really remember anything else eventful that happened. Oh yeah, we bundled Dainton while Munson poured beer in his face, that was pretty funny!

Sunday morning came and went and I dragged myself out of bed just in time for the street finals after another nourishing coffee breakfast. It was no surprise that Andy Scott won the comp but it was a pleasure to watch, a huge stalefish over the hip, huge f/s melon revert over the same hip, backside ollie over the flat bank channel etc etc as i've heard people say many times "Andy Scott is the ramp version of Tom Penny" he is the absolute ruler. This was Chessons first comp in a year due to injury but he's on a comeback, highlight of his run was a 360 flip late flip out of the bank (first go) followed by a two fingered salute at us for our heckling, he also tried a big 360 flip transfer which he reckoned he could of made but ran out of time. Ross took a slam on the course late on Saturday night after sneaking on for a secret skate, this and lack of sleep meant he didn't really skate as well as the day before, he did however make the huge transfer second go so still came third and went home £250 richer. Other highlights were Woodleys high speed backside tailslides on the block hip, Smedleys fakie bigspin heelflip over the hip, Munsons f/s 360 over the spine. Respect to Blackwell who absolutely nailed himself trying Benihanas over the jump box.

The BMX street comp was insane as expected, Mahoney came joint first with some other guy whose name I can't remember. After seeing Mahoneys run someone commented "Now I can see why he wasn't scared of the guy last night". His tailwhip transfer was ridiculous. The other guy that came first did some ridiculous wall ride variations. The best I saw was the guy that did a wallride off a platform over about a 16 foot gap onto another platform, his first attempt resulted in him falling down aforementioned gap.

That was about it, there was a little vert skate where Sgt Wilko took a bit of a brutal slam, them we upped sticks and did the offs.

On the way home Ross fell asleep with the trophy in his hand much to our amusement, later he made me and Chesson cry when we woke him up for directions but he didn't properly wake up and was in some sort of comatosed state with his eyes open, he didn't seem to know where he was or what he was doing.

Special mention to the unnamed memebr of the crew who bedded a lucky lady back at her tent and then did a runner the minute the seed was sown, a classic hit'n'run.

What an EXTREME weekend

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